Annoyed at tele-marketers? Here are some ways to annoy back.

i understand being a tele-marketer is not easy and closing a sale on the phone is near impossible. but how come companies don't realize that it isn't working and their money and resources can be better spent elsewhere?

i am sure we've all received these calls, asking us to complete a questionnaire for a chance to win a cruise vacation, or asking if we need money to pay off debts, or the famous "are you stressing over hair loss problems" (which happens to be a recorded tape so if they get you on voicemail, you'll have to listen to the whole message before you can delete it).

i don't really get annoyed at these calls, i find it rather amuzing to interact with the person on the other line. i am often curious as to how they will react to my response and answer my questions about what they are selling because 9/10 times, they are just reading off a script and know nothing more than what's on the paper in front of them.

here are a few ways how you can fend off tele-marketers and also enjoy the process in the meantime:

1) selling the opposite
marketer: "hello, are you the owner of mobile phone number 9661-XXXX."
me: "yes"
marketer: "i am calling from XXX slim fast. have you ever thought about lossing weight so you can be healthier and look better?"
me: "i think i am pretty healthy and quite good looking already."
marketer: "oh... are you over 150 pounds?"
me: "i m near 100 but do you have any programs that can help me gain some weight?"
marketer: "sorry, currently, we don't have any programs to help people gain weight but thanks for your time."

2) asking questions (only if you are bored and can afford the time)
marketer: "hello, i am calling from XXX Group and would like to inform you that we are offering an exclusive hotel membership available to VIP guests like yourself."
me: "interesting, so what constitutes a VIP?"
marketer: "you've been referred by another customer and you were selected from a pool of names. this is a great opportunity for you to experience what our hotel chain has to offer. the membership includes 50% discount at 10 of our 4-5 stars hotels."
me: "which 10 hotels?"
marketer: "well we have a, b, c... g, h, all of which are 4-5 stars hotel in hong kong."
me: "you mentioned 8 and most of these names i've never even heard of. can you tell me a bit about each hotel, where they are located, what restaurants they have, what's on the menu, etc."
marketer: "well first there is... blah blah blah"
(keep asking until they don't have the answer and they'll start to get annoyed.)

3) you making the referral
marketer: "hello, are you currently in financial debt? Having trouble paying off your credit card? UX can help!"
me: "actually, i am quite well-off but i know a friend who gambles every weekend and is in great financial problems. maybe if you help him, he'll be able to pay me back the money he borrowed from me.
marketer: "ah... sure."
me: (now give them the name and number of the person that really pissed you off recently) "his name is XXX and his mobile number is 6013-XXXX. his home number is 2593-XXXX. make sure you call him during the day time on his mobile and at home during the evenings. thanks!"

Last by not least, the most honest and faster way to end the conversation: "Sorry, I do not require your service/not interested in your product, so please don't call again." But then again, you won't be having any fun. =P